Apple. Not the Paltrow kid.

Monday, October 7, 2013
If you were an apple, which type of apple (Granny Smith, Gala, Red Delicious, etc) would you be and why?

This is a weird-ass writing prompt. Yeah, yeah, I get the connection – apples for teachers that start school in the fall, bobbing for apples during the fall, blah blah blah. But why the hell would I want to be an apple?

The life of an apple has to suck. You hang out in a tree, hoping the worms stay away, glaring at birds, waiting for the day that you either plummet to the ground or get yanked off that branch where you’ve been chillin’ . If you plummet to the ground – you’re probably done for. Nobody likes a bruised apple, so you just get to lay there until some animal decides to eat you, or a small child uses you for a kickball. Game over.

apple

photo by Flickr user iMaffo

If you’re yanked from your branch, your fate isn’t that much better. You’re probably shipped all over the country, which can’t be fun. Then you arrive at a grocery store, where handfuls of people judge you until one decides you’re good enough to take home. That can’t be good for the self esteem. Once chosen, you’re eaten. Or if I happen to choose you, left to rot in my fruit bowl. GAME OVER.

But if I had to choose, I’d be a Pink Lady. I love Grease.

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One response to “Apple. Not the Paltrow kid.

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