Angels among us

Today I witnessed how social media can be used for good, rather than evil. A young couple decided to take in two babies who were being neglected. While this is heroic by itself, the couple don’t have any of their own kids, are under 21 and the husband is deployed right now, so the wife is taking care of the babies on her own (with the help of her mom).

Wow. The selflessness of this young woman overwhelms me. As soon as I saw my friend’s post about this young couple on one of the wives’ pages I belong to, I knew I needed to help. I wasn’t able to donate much (C’s 3T clothes were way too big for the 6mo boy), but I was able to gift some of C’s toys (barely made a dent in that spoiled kid’s pile). I also bought some essentials – diapers, wipes, baby wash, sippy cup, toddler snacks and formula (side note: holy hell, formula is expensive. I’m glad I never had to mess with that).

I have a bit of a bleeding heart, especially when it comes to kiddos (and animals). But when I hear about babies who are being neglected and/or abused, it touches a nerve. I’m so thankful those two babies had people in their lives who were able to identify that they were in danger, and took action to move them to a safe place. I had a cousin who was killed and another badly beaten, but nobody knew the abuse was happening until it was too late. I was very young when it happened, so I don’t really remember when it happened – just flashes. ButĀ  I know it influenced decisions my mom made, such as theĀ  sacrifices she made to keep me safe when I was young.

If you pray, say a prayer for this little family. Ask that the angels watch over these babies and help this young woman as she goes down the path of new motherhood. I’m so thankful these babies were saved.


When I met him, it all fell into place

Monday, October 28, 2013
Tell us about a time everything fell into place perfectly

Probably when I met my husband. Looking back, I know that meeting him was the first step to me living a healthy life.

Now, I can’t say it was perfect, because I made A LOT of mistakes along the way. We’ve been together for almost 12 years, married for just over 6 years. We’ve seen a lot of pain in that time, but we’ve also seen a lot of growth (especially me).

Had I not met him, I think I’d be in a very different place. A not-so-good place. I don’t know if I’d be sober, and if I was a mother I don’t think I’d be as good a mother as I am with him by my side. I couldn’t ask for a better partner in him.

The douche I loved

Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Tell us about the first person you “fell” for.

Hmm. The first person I “fell” for. If we’re going solely on the timeline, I’d have to say my first “boyfriend” in 5th grade. I was mad for him, we dated a month and then I think he broke up with me. A-hole.

But if we’re going by significance, it would be a boy I dated in high school. We’ll call him J. We got together when I was a freshman (and he was a junior, natch). J and I dated for a few months, then I freaked out and couldn’t handle the seriousness. Wow, a rare moment of clarity for the teenaged me. Anyway, we remained somewhat friendly and ended up getting back together the next year.

This relationship might have had a happier ending, but we rekindled our romance shortly before my family imploded. He was an amazing part of my support system, but the effects of my parents’ subsequent divorce were profound. I had serious trust issues and I didn’t really know what a healthy relationship looked like. We broke up about 6 months later, shortly after he’d gone off to college. I think it was a combination of me being in a bad place (I’d contemplated dropping out of school, was dealing with some serious shit from my volleyball coach and didn’t feel strong enough to keep up a long distance relationship) and me being wooed by the douche.

The douche. We’ll call him R. We became friends and, after J and I broke up, he was the first person I had sex with. I did it not because I loved him, but because I DIDN’T love him. Remember those profound effects I alluded to? One of them was that I believe sex had nothing to do with love. So, I had sex with R when I didn’t love him, simply to prove this point to myself. We ended up dating for quite awhile and I grew to love him too much. So much that, after we officially broke up, I let him use me for sex. He knew I still had feelings, but only wanted me on the side. I just wanted to be close to him, so I gratefully, eagerly, took what little he’d give me. Keep in mind, this was all happening during high school. Way too much sex going on for a teenager.

Aside: Dear God I hope my son isn’t like me in high school.

I’m not fond of these stories of relationships past, but because they led me to my husband, I’m cool with it. I may not have found him if I’d taken a different path! He is my pot of gold at the end of the douche rainbow.

FALLing in love. Get it?

Monday, October 14, 2013
Tell us about falling in love: what does it feel like?

Yes, I realize this prompt is for Monday and I’m publishing it on Sunday. That’s because I got somethin’ special for tomorrow and needed my free post from today. Also, it’s my blog so I can do what I want.

Soooo, how did we go from talking about leaf piles and pie to discussing something like falling in love? I get it, fall has multiple meanings so the creators were being clever. But seriously!

The last time I fell in love was September 14, 2010. That’s right, when my baby boy was born (Aaaawwwww). Actually, that’s a lie. I fall in love with that kid every day. Every day, he makes my heart melt and feel like it’s going to explode, all at the same time. It’s a little scary, the intensity of my emotions. I’m not the most even-keeled of people, but when it comes to my baby I’m capable of anything. If someone messed with him…grrrr.

The thing about this is it’s not scary to fall in love with him. When you fall in love with a partner, it’s always a little scary (or a lot scary) putting yourself out there. What if they reject you? What if they say hell no? But with Colt, I’ll never stop loving him. There is nothing that boy could do that would make me stop loving him. I may not like it if he ends up being a serial killer, but I’ll still love him. So there’s a safeness to this love.

I’m so blessed to be the mother of this sweet little boy. Even when I want to sell him to the circus, I still love him. That’s why he’s still with us today.